Jan/ 10/2018 4.26 p.m.
Irv,
Hello! It is a rainy and grey day today. But I do love grey days more than sunny days. I can be more energetic on the grey days. I love sunny days but I love grey days more. And the clouds in the sky make me feel more about this great Universe and my soul feels more flexible and productive to mention about my life. I used to question my life more when I was in my twenties then I quited after I had became a mother. To be a mother could be the most beautiful instants for a woman! I did take the taste at the top when I gave birth to my two sweet daughters and it was so beautiful to sleep with their lovely Heaven-baby- smelling, on my bed!
I used to feel so happy if I slept with them on my bed and when I woke up with them it was like real heaven. I loved them so much when they were babies. Well... I really almost left my social life during their babyhoods. And I did try to be with them almost all the time except the time that I attended to the evening- commercial high school. Because I decided that I had to be a very educated mother to serve them better for their future lives.
And I believe that I had done it so much well. But teenagehoods of them were so much hard but again I believe that I did my best for both of them. And the synergy of our family was almost great although some arguments their father and I sometimes were having. Their father was a quite good man but he was tough and uneducated. So that I could stand him for seventeen years. He was a very colorful man but very low attitudes he used to have. He didn’t know the dignity and respect at all both with his words and behaviors. And we got divorced very easily.
But after then, things got more difficult for us. My daughters were getting more and more depressive day by day. Because they were not able to reach their father! Because he had dissappeared. To be honest; they loved their father but have never accepted all he had done about all. He really was a wrong energy for us. I don’t want to judge anybody in my life but unfortunately there have been a few wrong people in my great life. I did try to educate him but it was so hard for me. And I was losing my self-respect while I was trying to educate him. And after he went from my heaven home, I really got better and better in any way but my sweet daughters were getting worse because he had disseppeared and he was giving them a great deal of love beside his wrong words to them and to me. But by the time, we three had built a heaven home although there were some problems. We three were happy but there was something missing and I couldn’t discover then what was missing. Unfortunately, I have discovered all the negatives which were blocking our synergy easily, only two years ago.
I have discovered that we were manipulated by my big family. But I couldn’t reach this awareness then. I have reached mindfulness with a very successful student and a follower of yours and he has made me reach mindfulness and then I have learnt all about my real life. My real life was not mine actually until two years ago. My sweet princess left us during that chaos and paralysing period of mine. It was a shame! Because my self-energy were not with me then! Then How could I stop her devastating sudden loss! I thought that we were happy! Actually, there was something strong missing about my life and my daughters’ lives, as well.
I accept her sudden loss but I still do question myself and the others in the family about her final steps. It has been too much hard for me since she left here but on the other side, I have found ‘ The way to Heaven’ with all my practices through each seconds while I have fought with this incredibly paralyzing pain in my soul. Well.. I do not want to give you any negatives but sometimes some negatives that we take make us see the life through a better window. Well.. this is from my perspective!
Stay happy and please don’t miss even a second to taste this great smelling life..
Respects,
Farah
LETTERS to IRV "The way to heaven"