December/ 1O/2017 05.55
I have just woken up and do feel the comfort of the silence of the early morning and I only can hear the wonderful sound of the planes that fly in the sky. And a very little sounds of the cars which passes on the Bosphorus Bridge which is very close to my heaven home! I love the location that I live cause it is closer to the Bosphorus! I love breathing the sea! I like walking beside it and I feel myself so much free and secured beside it.... what a wonderful existence that I have been witnessing since I started to meet this great aura called; Unverse! We take from it and we also give back to it! And the life in this magic Universe that I have been connected with, has sometimes given me and another time did take all back that it had given me. But sometimes extended a lot to me and sometimes defined!!! I have been the member of the life and the Universe who have accepted some and haven’t’ accepted the others but I always have chosen the best I believe.
The level I have been on, proves all. I am very happy and peaceful with my personality which has been open to everybody and I love honesty and dignity and loving people around me. I know that I sometimes cant’ controle myself well but I do believe that I could repair what I couldn’t do, in the end! I always have prefered to seek a person to take from. And here we are! That’s you! I am not sure that I have been searching for a father figure or a father example for myself but I could actually. Because this has been my fortune that I always have had to put someone between my father and myself to reach him. I never could solve out that who he has been and what he has wanted from the life and what he has done upto now! He is a clever man but uneducated and fully empty.
He never has produced anything and he always has wanted to be the first mind of his big family and has seemed to give his relatives unnecessarily great deal of energy and has always been friends with his elder son who has been a famous professor in Turkey and has very weak relationship with his younger son and no communication with me. I never have known the reason why!?! I was able to protect myself from this complicated atmosphere only two years ago. I could discover that he was disregarding me and almost what I had done. And after my great discovery, I did start to get away from him and that was the very historical steps of my life! I stepped back from him quite a lot. And you know what; I did start to produce and produce. And I was getting happier and happier!
You were with me then and I remember that I had leant on you too much on that time but I couldn’t tell you the truth because I was feeling sad about this and you know that someone sometimes can’t tell because he or she gets too shy and too sad with his or her reality. Yes! I was too sad and too shy with my reality! Because I was witnessing some other friends’ fathers were like you and I thought that I could inspire from someone else as a model or figure of a father. And yes! that was you! By holding that energy I could start to climb the life stairs so much rapidly and have become a singer in one year time and an amateur writer.
And I have repaired my low- self- esteem syndrome and I have made my life connections with this great life stronger and so much more tightly. Here I am! I have been having my first exam in your writting class and I hope I will pass it! I do believe my soul and mind so much! I believe in my personality and capasity that I will extend to you the letters that you deserve. I know that you deserve the best! So that I will do my best for you! Great writer! Great psychiatrist! Great philosopher! I assume myself so much lucky to be able to step into your unique field. God bless you. I pray for you each second whenever I remember you! Thank you!
Respects,
Farah
LETTERS to IRV "The way to heaven"