Mummy!

My sweet Strawberry, It has been twenty little months since u have left our home. To me; as if you left home yesterday and will get off a taxi and will ring our door-bell and either Evin or I will open the door and you will flow in by your wonderful silhouette. then, when I have to turn back to the normal life, I feel that my spirit and body boil in hot water, at the end I could hardly feel that I am still at this part of life and the devastating truth has been just standing opposite of me and look at me so mercilessly. Then I start to play a very strange game; ı tell myself that I too will walk to God one day and I do hope to meet and touch you again. And then while I could realize that your physical appearance has been lost under the earth, then I really feel so desperate by thinking of how I will meet you again. At that point; I get so much hopeless and dark and step back from the Universe and I dont' know where to go, who I am and what I do here and where I am!! God and the nature both are so strong and determined but so much helpful at the same time. God and unbelievable nature make the grief of your loss softer to touch me superficially so that ı could keep myself up and see my little girl and try to join the normal life although it is as if climbing the Everest mountain on barefoot. Your business handbag that you used for your last day has been in your wardrobe. We couldnt' touch any of your personal belongings. And your room has been full of sweet memories. The candles in your room have been burning up every night since you have gone away. It was so hard to live on the Mothers' day without you this year. I thank you so much for the talking rabbit that you had sent me once for Mothers' day from Boston. When I feel strong I push the button and listen to your wonderful little voice which you had recorded on the rabbit. But there is no 'you', nowhere!! İt is too hard for me to push the life without you! I just try to be contented with the visits to your tomb. And ı believe that there is still a cosmic transrence from u to me; I mean by spritually. My sweet Strawberry! I thank God for 'you'! But.......!!!! Mummy xxxx